Thursday, January 21, 2010

292nd entry> Wake me up when september ends.

Once again. My anger has not subsided.

What awaits me in the frightening morning, is V and G.

Just one sms. I just needed you to console me. Tell me that its okay. Tell me there's always miracles. I do not need you to give up what you have to be in the same boat as me. I just needed you to show that you care.

But you chose to ignore me. You chose to leave in the lurk.

Okay if that's how you want to play the game.

I think I waited for you reply with eagerness. Bcos I wanted to give myself a chance to accept who you are. I wanted give myself a chance to mend the holes in my heart. The scars of your stabs. I wanted to make an excuse, so that I don't have to be so angry or upset.

But the sms didn't come.

And you want to know how disappointed I am in you?

Its indescribable.

You make me waver regarding a lot of things. I do not lose faith in all my friends just because of you. But you did make me think twice whether or not to trust my friends so much ever again. You make me see your true colours and its quite scary to think that people around me might be like that. I've encountered people like you before, I got hurt before. How stupid am I to fall for this again. Not learning from my previous mistakes. Not opening my eyes big enough. Not being able to sieve out the good from the bad. Not able to spot, at one sight, potential friends.

But you are my friend. Up till today, I still can't forget the times we spent together. Or maybe, you WERE my friend? So its all in the past, when I sleep and wake up tomorrow morning, you would be a complete stranger?

The best would be to say, you are a friend, with flaws.

And all I can do now, is to accept you as who you are. If I were to blame someone, I would blame it on myself for not being able to see it fast enough before getting hurt. We can't be good friends anymore. The most you can go in my heart, is just friends. You didn't keep the chance that I gave and I gave away all my chances.

I just hope that you would not make someone disappointed, to the extent of completely lose faith in you, anymore.