Friday, January 22, 2010

293rd entry> My fresh beginning.

Who doesn't want to go via the easy way? Everyone wants a guaranteed route, everyone aims for the faster track. What rights do I have to stop someone from thinking about all this?

And I think the tide has gone down. Like what I ranted, I am not that heartless to totally exclude you out of my life. When I get angry, I would just say things like, "I'm gonna ignore you." But how could I bear ignoring a friend whom I used to be so close to? How could I possibly leave you out of my life? If you're crying, I would still let her cry on my shoulders. If you're being bullied, I would still rush forward and take the blow. This is how much I treasure you.

And my mum says, the people who can hurt you the most, are usually those who are the closest to you.

I totally agree.

I was talking to Belle yesterday and made her guess who could have hurt me so badly. She guessed it within seconds. You have such great significance in my life that almost all my friends know who you are.

Nevertheless, I have came to understand that these are just little tests in my life. And when I pass them, I get to live my life more beautifully. Today, I see the light on the other side of the tunnel. I've never felt so relieved before, because finally we were able to talk about it. I was still wavering in the afternoon. What if after I told you my situation, you still gave me a blank reply? What if you try to change the topic? What if I don't get to hear what I've been longing to hear? I was really scared. I didn't dare to take a step back to look at things.

But now, I am thankful it ended peacefully. No cat fights down the alleys, like what good friends always do. No bickering and "I don't want to friend you", like what little kids always say.

I wouldn't say seeing you won't remind me of this incident, but lets give ourselves time to heal all of these. Scars are there for sure, but they are definitely better than thorns.

Please all pray for me, for Monday to be a wonderful start.