Monday, August 02, 2004

13th entry> bad no. fer a bad day..

sunhearts

now, 2 me, all thirteens are bad. 2dae is mon de thirteen. n its as bad as fri de thirteen. so conclusion, any difference in de day? no.. all thirteens are bad..

dun hope 2 pull everyone in2 dis quarrel or u mean cold war. hai. wad 2 do. i've oways tot i've got a bad life. n its now truly certified dat i DO haf a vvv bad life.


my msn nick fer de week. it may sound nth, but once u understand n noe wad i'm experiencing now, u'll surely understand dis truly meaningful nick of mine.

from yesterday, i couldnt sleep well. both angry n sad. angry wif her, sad fer him. actualli sad fer myself. ppl oways sae "love is blind", i finally understand wad dat realli meant. not wad i'm experiencing, but wad i notice wen i look at ppl hu are in luv thru my eyes.

n i do noe de many types of luv a young 15 yr old gurl is tinking n experiencing, toking abt me (in case anybody tinks i'm toking abt dem AGAIN). frenship love. de strongest sense of love i'm experiencing now. hai. mayb nobody noes. but i'm de kind of ppl hu are vvv on2 frenship love more den any other tings. u can sae i've got a strong sense of zhen4 yi4. but dis time, dis is different. its not zhen4 yi4. its something else i myself cannot name.

know i'm drifting away from wad i wanna write. hai. haha. does wad i sae ever make sense. reading thru it again, tink its vv profound. haha. mayb i've gotten over it. gotten over wad u call loneliness. i'm not actually feeling lonely. not as if i got no more frens 2 tok 2, but lonely in de sense, i've juz lost 1 of my most beloved fren. mayb is i ownself lose him.

got no mood 2 tok. no mood. none at all. hai. studying juz cant drown my thoughts fer 1 moment. it used 2 b. but not anymore. yesterday was de starting of dis terrible endless cold war. n it realli hurt me. deep in2 me. de pain of losing a v good fren is stabbing me again. pressing against me. at any moment of time. i feel like crying again. but i noe crying doesnt work now. it works last time. during primary sch or presch wen i juz cry fer de tinyest ting dat can happen 2 me. but not now.

feeling v cold out of a sudden. tinking of how 2 maintain dis sour frenship. i cannot take it anymore. i wan2 tell her in her face. she had hurt me. more den anyting in de world. n de most hurtful part is not becuz she's not toking 2 me. but she had given him only a one-way choice, between me n her. wad can he do? i dunno. dat's y i'm giving up. i'm giving up wad i once used 2 like n protect.

is she happy fer me? happy fer him? or happy fer herself? i cant read minds like wad professor X n doctor Jean Grey can do. wad am i suppose 2 tink? did she do everyting on purpose? did she wan2 break us apart? if yes, why? is she jealous dat we're vvv good frens? am i suppose 2 hate her? dao her? like her n den backstab her? wad 2 do? i'm confused..

i'll juz do everyting 2 protect wad u ought 2 haf.. cuz i noe u deserve it.. u will not b dao-ed, yet i cannot b sure of myself.

2 luv, hate or wad? pls enlighten me!